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Best and Worst Dressed of the Golden Globes 2013

I’m not incredibly invested in award ceremonies as far as who wins what. Most of the time I go to the movie theatre or watch a television show, my reaction is normally: I liked that. It takes a lot for me to be blown away by film. Or to be severely disappointed in it for that matter. But what I am incredibly interested is who wears what designed by who on the red carpet. And now I bring you my personal favorites and the most heinous atrocities from last week’s 70th Annual Golden Globe Awards.

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Jennifer Lopez, pictured, was the crowning champion of a very popular look on this year’s red carpet. There were a lot of women sporting gowns and looks that were made up of intricate patterns over some sort of mesh or other translucent fabric. There were also a lot of dresses with sleeves. J Lo’s look is suggestively sexy, because technically her body is completely covered, but you can still see her beautiful body underneath. This was an absolute hit for her!

Another woman who really pulled off this kind of vibe was Julianna Margulies. The beading on her dress was incredibly intricate, and something I could stare at for days. Designer Emilio Pucci knocked it out of the park with this one.

Eva Longoria must have been on everyone’s worst dressed list. Interestingly enough, it was another Pucci. And we can see that similar theme in the top of her dress. And, sure enough, the floral lace pattern is very alluring, but it is paired with too much of her cleavage and an overwhelming amount of leg coming out of that slit, and not in a sexy way. I am a huge proponent of the Heidi Klum philosophy: show me your legs or show me your boobs. Don’t give it all away. No one is gonna want to take Longoria out of that dress, because we’ve seen all she has to offer on the carpet. Also hire a new stylist, because that makeup and lady pompadour are not serving you well.

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I think that Julianne Moore, pictured, was incredibly elegant on the red carpet last weekend. I love me an older lady who knows how to show up with poise and this Tom Ford creation is perfect for her. The clean lines and the asymmetry are both alluring and interesting enough to win her a spot on the best dressed list. Her styling is also very well done. One thing I will note is that the dress is just a touch cylindrical. It goes to the floor, so we cannot see her shoes. And, as my friend Marlee pointed out, the white band is maybe not ideally placed. Darker colors are more slimming, so this gives an illusion that her waist is a bit wider than it really is. But regardless, well done!

Something that was a big flop this year was that whole mermaid-esque look. You know, when a woman wears a tight dress that flares the fuck out right around her knees and is probably in some sort of pastel color. Yeah, I don’t understand why those things happen. Maybe I have a bad emotional recall with them because I took a girl to prom who MADE her own mermaid dress covered in aqua blue sequins… It was a different time for me. Anyway.  Amy Adams was a big offender of this crime in her pale pink dress that was entirely too close to her skin tone. Jessica Alba had the same thing going on in her peach colored dress. The necklace is absolutely stunning, but what is that random shape exploding from her calves? The world will never know. Also that furry purse seems to have come straight out of Avenue Q. Oscar de la Renta, I expect better of you.

70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - ArrivalsAn Amy that fared much better was Amy Poehler. She and cohost Tina Fey were ROCKING it in some very classy black and white ensembles. Poheler’s tuxedo jacket and pants were incredibly well tailored, yet still came across as feminine. She, unlike many others, knew how to show the right amount of cleavage for the outfit. Fey’s dress was megga cute but still chic. It could easily go straight from the red carpet to tea with the Queen. Both of them were styled very nicely, and they continued to kill it for every costume change thereafter.

Some really nice gold was seen on the red carpet as well. Normally I hate Michael Kors and his fake-tan, one-outfit presence in my life. But I have to hand it to him, he made Emily Blunt look absolutely stunning in that gold cutout dress. The humongous ruby earrings and the gold lace chain made that woman look like a million bucks.

Also looking very expensive with a fine gold look was Downton Abbey star, Michelle Dockery. The pattern is very much with the vein of the first group of dresses I was talking about and the shape over her shoulders is gorgeous. Personally, I’m just obsessed with this British diva bitch, and I’m so glad that she came out looking as elegant and refined as we know Lady Mary would.

globes15One lady whose dress created a lot of flurry was Sienna Miller, pictured. She made a lot of popular best dressed lists in the last few days, but personally I don’t really get it. And it’s not the bizarre pop-up book flowers. I would actually commend her for taking a risk with that sort of texture. For me its the combination of the weird two piece dress, which is a structure I still can’t really wrap my head around, and the awful color scheme along with the risk of the flowers. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. If you are going to take a leap of faith and try something crazy in fashion, make it your one choice of the outfit. When you do a ton of crazy shit, our focus isn’t pulled by any one particular thing and we, the general public, are simply confused.

Although, I have to admit, Miller didn’t commit this crime with nearly the severity as Halle Berry. Versace really dropped the ball on this one. I love asymmetry and I love crazy prints. I generally love attention grabbing fashion. But what the HELL was going on there? It was all way too much at once. Just a general disaster.

70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - ArrivalsThe reigning champion of the worst dressed of the night, however, certainly goes to Jessica Chastain, pictured. I was hoping for something fierce from this fiery haired actress after basically falling out of my chair during her FEROCIOUS monologue in Zero Dark Thirty. I was, however, incredibly disappointed. Chastain showed up in something reminiscent of a Project Runway challenge that really needed an extra three hours before it hit the runway. Calvin Klein designed a dress that looked as if it had been structured completely wrong with an incredibly awkward shape around her boobs. The pale seafoam green color did her NO favors, with her pale complexion and awesome red hair. Ugh. Just not well done on her part.

Those were all the big splashes I noted, but some honorable mentions for best dressed include Jennifer Garner and Naomi Watts rocking the oxblood. The trends I most noted that I hope to see designers keep playing with are gold detailing and that sexy lace and sheer look perfected by J.Lo.

For me, I’m about to go slip into some cockney threads for My Fair Lady cue-to-cue. We open Friday! Get your tickets! www.nudolphinshow.org

Stay hot and keep it messy,
-Ww

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