One of my good friends, Erin, and I spent a significant portion of tonight publicly discussing our opinions on Huffington Post’s assessment of the biggest fashion disasters of the year. Here are our comments and I’d love to hear yours!
WW: I get it. It’s cutesy. It’s girly. Whatever. But what it does more than anything is accentuate your hips in a non-positive way. It’s had it’s time. I didn’t hate it. But it’s not the best idea ever. Stop making it, stop buying it, but you don’t have to throw it out of your closets, ladies. Unless you are pear-shaped.
EM: Unless you are the murderer in a film noir classic and you have a fierce wide-brimmed hat and glasses, then don’t invest at this point. Yes, as you said, you are allowed to keep it in your closet if you have it.
2. Sheer everything
WW: I like it a lot when it’s done tastefully. Which means you are allowed exactly one sheer accent per outfit. One.
EM: I concur. In my opinion, a girl wearin’ sheer is gonna hear some cheers. I have a rocking black dress with sheer in all the right places. I do support the journalist writing this in the entry though, simply because of the criminally terrible photo of Kristen Stewart. I even suspect they entered that in the write up just to feature that photo.
3. Gel manicures
WW: Just be ready to commit. Ladies, your styles change much faster than men’s style does. So just know that when you get these.
EM: I support your statement. But I’d like to add that I think the ‘square top’ edge of manicures needs to die. #trash
4. Half-shaved heads
WW: Only if you are artsy as fuck. And I mean as FUCK. You gotta earn that asymmetrical hairdo. Tilda Swinton is definitely qualified. Rihanna, get over yourself.
EM: I support your statement and I mean FULLY. Steph [Cluggish, costume designer extraordinaire and Erin’s roommate] has a half-shaved head, thus proving your theory. Your message to Rihanna should be a HuffPost article in and of itself.
5. Pastel hair
WW: Yeah it was cute, I’m over it now.
EM: I agree with HuffPost – good for My Little Ponies, bad for humans. Unless you are a stripper for an Asian businessman or an extra in a Gwen Steffani video/commercial/entourage, cut it off!
6. Studded collars
WW: As an Urban Outfitters employee, I could lose my job if I knock this one. I honestly think that they haven’t hit their prime yet. I have seen them around, but I’ve only seen them on typically hipster chicks. Normal girls, try something new. Spruce it up. This is a good option.
EM: Wow, I am going to pull a Michelle Obama and just support you and your opinion with beauty, poise, and the inner strength of a volcano. I didn’t really know about this, but it is so deliciously early glam 90s that I’d like to see it around… until Michael Kors kills it in one of his ill-conceived Macy’s collections.
7. Wedge sneakers
WW: Only acceptable if you are in 4th grade or costume designing Legally Blonde. Next!
EM: I’m glad we’re teaching America’s tweens to ruin their tendons. They are the Snuggie of the shoe world. I pity the millions of third world children who are gluing these together night and day for a fad that will be dead by March 1.
8. High fashion sweatshirts
WW: Yeah, you’re right. I don’t get them. If you’re trying to impress me at the gym, I’m probably too distracted by your sweaty brow and your cellulite to notice that you spent $400 on that noodie.
EM: I’m going rogue and saying that yes it should stop. But snaps for you, you rich bitch that can drop triple digits on something you wear to a high school football game. I tisk tisk your reckless spending… but secretly lust after your life.
WW: Fuck that. I pull off neon so well. Haters gonna hate, but I’m gonna keep it in my wardrobe.
EM: Fuck you, HuffPost. Have you no soul?
WW: I have never seen these before and I never want to see them again.
EM: Never heard of this, either. I feel that this is actually not a thing (outside geishas in the 14th century), but someone paid HuffPo to put them on the list so that they become a thing. I’m mostly upset that my idol (awkwardly 15 years younger than me) is pictured wearing them. #IWantYourLifeElleFanning #DieDakotaChokeAndDie
11. Printed pants
WW: I think they are interesting and fashionable if you are willing to wear simple tops with them. Stylized denim is slowly replacing kitschy/patterned tops. For now, at least. But just like you would wear plain dark denim with a statement top, you’ve got to keep it clean and easy if you’re going to wear statement jeans. Also they just look better if you’re skinny. Well, everything looks better if you’re skinny…
EM: I lived suburbia in the early 90s, so it’s difficult for me to support this fad for myself. I sometimes question it’s value, but then I see your friend Marlee Rose [Rich, my best friend] or the infamous pair worn by Ben Gojer in 2012 and I silence my own protest. I personally don’t like my chintz on my denim, but I will stand down.
WW: Yeah, not in public. Rompers are okay in the summer if they fit your proportions, but a jumpsuit? No thank you.
EM: Please refer to my number eight. Please stop making them. But to the 1% of girls who are 5’10” and 100 lbs who can wear them or the handful of short little spark plug girls who can pull them off, I curse you while I envy you with a passion usually reserved for old Mexican women praying at a death bed of a beloved priest.
13. Dark ’90s lipstick
WW: That grunge look is a full-time commitment. A lifestyle. Don’t just play around with that shit.
EM: Unless you’re Casey Hartley, then stop. Stop it all. In fact, you need to throw away two other make up items as punishment for your cosmetic faux pas. Unless you’ve been cast in a remake of “The Craft”, no. And if you’re Thora Birch, you need to stop in general.
So that’s it! I think it’s fair to say that Erin and I bring out both the best and the worst in each other. But I also wouldn’t ignore our advice.
I wish you all a fashionable 2013! Stick to those resolutions!
Stay hot and keep it messy,