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Home, Sweet Home (Read: Here We Go Again)

First off, Merry Christmas, bitches!

This morning, Christmas Eve, I made the voyage from Evanston back to grand old Rochester Hills, the place of my unremarkable youth, to celebrate the yuletide with my mother, grandparents, siblings, father, and his embarrassingly young girlfriend. (Let’s just say she could also currently be blogging about this decade of life.) I am the oldest of my parent’s five children, and with that comes some of the typical character traits of the eldest in the birth order; I would like to consider myself reliable and passionate; I’m definitely a perfectionist; I may be rather aggressive, and my personal mantra to make it through my family situations is, “I just want everyone to be happy.”

Unfortunately, that statement seems somehow impossible at my house. The adjective most commonly held by the Wilhelm clan is stubbornness. My darling younger siblings are in various degrees of their own hot mess of a lifestyle, but I must say I’m not sure it is quite as flattering on them as it is on me. Apparently my family has picked up on this opinion, as I am commonly scolded by my parents for approaching family dealings with an air of arrogance or a superiority complex. To this I say both, “I wish you could have a conversation with a room full of Northwestern students and you would understand!!” and also, “Listen, I KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT, SO MAYBE Y’ALL SHOULD JUST LISTEN, OKAY?!” Ahem… My family knows how to bring out the worst in me…

Anyway, my next youngest brother, Evan, is also an aspiring performer going through transfer applications presently. He refuses my offers of advice or guidance, though I appear to be stumbling through this clusterfuck of the theatre world without face-planting disastrously yet. Sounds like a perfectly legitimate mentor to me. My next sibling, Nolan, is generally only interested in video games and sleeps upwards of twelve hours daily. This lack of motivation in school or general ambition of any sort is an incredibly foreign concept to me. Whereas Evan and I are rather similar in many ways, though I will deny that when confronted, Nolan and I are incredibly different. He bottles up his feelings just as much as I make everyone listen to my every thought (hey, new blog and overactive Twitter account). My older sister, Gracielle, is the only person in Michigan I know that could out-diva me any day of the week. I fear what her teenage years will be like. The youngest is Adrianna. She’s too little as of yet to have any discernible character flaws and I hope none emerge as the terrifying prospect of pubescent girls enters my life. For now, she’s chill as fuck and I appreciate that in the madhouse of my home life.

Now, you may say, “Why did you just publicly discuss your siblings negative attributes? That seems pretty cold.” And the answer is this: BECAUSE I WANT THEM TO SUCCEED AND TAKE OVER THE WORLD. My familial ties are the only thing in the world that I can never change, and therefore, I am constantly pressuring my younger siblings into being better versions of themselves and bringing glory to the Wilhelm name… For some unknown reason they don’t take to that idea very well. Sheesh ….. Okay, so maybe I can see where that whole “superiority” thing is coming from, but really guys, just GET ON MY LEVEL and then we can be COLLECTIVELY superior! (Hmm, being twenty really isn’t that much different from being a self-centered teenager is it?)

I hope to use this break to read some plays, learn some new monologues, or polish some old repertoire. Or really do anything more productive than watch all of Downton Abbey. But this little break from the hot mess and general disarray of my Chicago life is much needed if I can survive it.

Happy Holidays, you delectable sluts.

Just keep the booze coming. And please, dear God, don’t ask me again if I have a girlfriend.

Stay hot and keep it messy,


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